2011 Reflection. 2012 Resolution.

It’s funny. I spent a large portion of 2011 counting down to 2012, and now that it’s here, I wish it wasn’t. If I could, I would do this year all over again. All the ups, downs, tears, smiles, laugh, pain. Everything. I would do it all again. And sure, there’s some things I would like to have been different, but really, if I had the option to do it again, I wouldn’t change anything. Everything happens for a reason. And I don’t believe in regrets. And I think in order to truly be able to live without regrets, you have to be able to, given the chance to relive something, live it without changing anything. No, this year hasn’t exactly been the greatest. But it taught me a lot about myself.

Everything that happened with Will…as much as it sucked, I wouldn’t change it. He taught me so much about myself, and I’d never want that to have not happened. It was a good memory, despite how he reacted after the fact. He taught me so much about myself and about what I need to do, who I need to be, before I can truly be in a successful relationship.

But anyways. This year, 2012, is graduation year. And honestly, that terrifies me. I find it hard to believe that almost four years have already gone by since I graduated high school. Four years ago, I didn’t honestly believe this is where my life would be. I’ve lost friends I never thought I would, but I also gained many more friends that have helped me become who I am today. And I’m so incredibly thankful for those people in my life. But with graduating, comes the real world. I’m not sure I’m ready for it, but I guess I don’t really have a choice in the matter. However I want to keep learning. I’ve been watching a lot of the TV show “Bones” lately, and I want to be like them – not necessarily the catching bad guys, staring at bones all day part, but the whole “I have multiple degrees in this, this, and this” part. I like learning. I would love to have multiple degrees. If I get the chance, I think my next one would be political science. And then maybe psychology. I don’t know. I just know I want to learn as much as I can in this lifetime.

Now, for 2012, here’s my resolution: take the phrase “I don’t have time” completely out of my vocabulary. Normally, I’ll make a resolution, and then it fails for whatever reason, usually because I just forget about it. But this one, I’m determined to stick to. While, I don’t believe in regrets, I honestly think that if I keep saying I don’t have time to do the things I want to, I will regret it. I have roughly 5ish months left in Hawaii. I honestly can’t imagine not living there next year. Not doing Halloween in Hawaii, not being able to go to Mooses every weekend. But the idea of moving home (well, to Seward), being roughly a 10 hour drive away from my parents, and a 3ish hour drive away from my soul sister and niece…that overwhelms any need I have to be able to go to Mooses or do HalloWaikiki. And if I get the internship I want, I’ll be able to help sick marine animals. And that’s what I want to do more than anything. So that’s my resolution. To make sure I have time to do anything and everything I want to while I still can.

Before I finish this off, I want to thank everyone who helped me get through this year. It’s been one of my roughest years yet, and I survived it with the help of some amazing people in my life, and my truly amazing parents. Despite being terrified of graduating, and what’s going to happen afterwards, I’m looking forward to this year. To seeing what my next adventure will be.