Never Give Up.

“When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.”

Somehow, this quote has defined my life more times than not. It’s true though. There’s been times where I want to give up on everything and I’ve needed to remind myself (or have someone else remind me) why I’m still holding on. This time is only slightly different. I’m still holding on, but I have no intention of giving up. Sure, there’s sometimes when I think it would ease the pain of missing him, but then I think about trying to live my life without him, and I can’t even picture it.

I want to say so much has changed in the past couple of weeks, and some things have, but others haven’t. The one major thing that changed is I’ve stopped crying every two seconds. The major thing that hasn’t is Will and I still aren’t technically together. But, I’m more okay with that than I was.

Things have gotten better for Will and I…it’s close to how we were. But then again, close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. It’s better than nothing though. I couldn’t handle having nothing. He means the world to me. I love him. And he loves me. He doesn’t want me to give up on us…he’s not giving up. He still wants everything we’ve had for the future. We just need to get through this year. He needs to not worry about me wanting to quit school to go to wherever he is. And I promise, he doesn’t have to worry about that. I know shit changes, but this I can do. I know I can. I have to. But after this year is over, things can get back on track. We can get back together, and get back to the plan. I’m not giving up hope.

Now, I’m sure there are some of you reading this going, “why doesn’t she just give up all hope? Move on with her life?” Well let me put it this way – think of the ONE thing in your life that you KNOW will be there in your future, and you honestly can’t live without it. Now imagine something taking that away, but still having the possibility that you’ll get it back. Can you HONESTLY say that you’d just give up hope? If you’re sitting there saying, “yeah, I could,” then what you’re thinking of isn’t that important to you, or you’re completely lying to yourself. I’m sure most of you reading this aren’t thinking that though – and for that, thank you. Most of you are hoping, just like me, that Will and I get back together. I deeply appreciate your hoping for me, and not telling me to just give up.

To those of you who still get shocked that we talk daily, please stop or just keep your shock to yourself. Because it’s annoying. He’s my best friend. Nothing has changed that. I can still talk to him in ways that I can’t talk to anyone else. And he still tells me everyday how he feels about me. I can’t even put into words how happy that makes me. So in regards to my confusion on what to do from my last blog, I’ve decided.

I’m not giving up.

And if you don’t agree with my decision, or you think I’m being stupid, please keep it to yourself. This is what I’m going to do and if you feel like judging me for it, then let me know so I can stop talking to you.

I’m going to live my life MY way, and do what makes ME happy. I don’t know how to give up on the only one person I’ve ever truly loved, so don’t try to help me give up, because I can’t, and I won’t.